There comes a point in many women’s lives when we stop and ask, “Who am I now?” Finding yourself when life changes is not about going backwards. It is about understanding where you are now and what you might need.

It doesn’t always happen because of one enormous event. Sometimes it creeps up on us quietly. The children grow up. A relationship changes. A job ends. We move house, move country or reach a stage in life when the roles that once defined us no longer fit in quite the same way. One day, we look at the life around us and realise we are not quite sure where we fit within it anymore.

That question came to me because I have worn so many different hats throughout my life. I have been a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend, a businesswoman, a restaurant owner and someone who spent years supporting young people through incredibly difficult circumstances.

I was always needed.

There was always somebody to look after, something to organise, a business to run or another problem waiting to be solved. Like so many women, I became very good at keeping everything moving. You do what needs to be done, often without stopping to ask yourself how you are feeling or what you might need.

Then life changes.

The children grow up and begin building lives of their own. Families shift. Relationships change. Businesses close or careers come to an end. People we love are no longer here. Our bodies change, our priorities change, and sometimes the life we thought we would have looks very different from the one we are actually living.

For me, life has included enormous changes. I have built businesses, closed businesses and begun again. I moved from Scotland and created a new life in rural France. I have experienced love, loss, family changes, uncertainty and those moments when you wonder what on earth comes next.

I have also reached an age where 60 is appearing on the horizon.

That doesn’t frighten me, but it does make me reflect. I can look back at the woman I was in my twenties, thirties and forties and recognise her, but I am not exactly the same woman now. Nor should I be.

Every stage of life has added something to me.

Still, somewhere between everything I had been and everything I might still become, I found myself standing at a junction.

That is often where the question appears:

Who am I now?

FINDING YOURSELF WHEN LIFE CHANGES

When we arrive at one of life’s junctions, it can feel as though we are being asked to start again from nothing.

We look ahead and cannot quite see the road. The familiar signs have disappeared. What worked for us before may no longer feel right, but we don’t yet know what should replace it.

It can feel uncomfortable and, at times, very lonely.

But here is what I began to understand: we do not arrive at that junction empty-handed.

We arrive carrying every lesson we have learned, every difficult day we have survived, every skill we have developed and every piece of strength we didn’t even realise we possessed.

We bring the mistakes as well as the successes. We bring the times we got it right and the times we had to pick ourselves up and try again. We bring years of loving, caring, working, adapting, coping and growing. We are not beginning from nothing. We are beginning with life experience. Finding yourself when life changes often begins with recognising the experience you already carry. That realisation changed something for me. Instead of looking at the junction as proof that I was lost, I began to see it as an opportunity to stop and take stock.

Where am I now?

What have I carried to get here?

What am I ready to put down?

And what might I finally allow myself to want?

WHEN DID YOU LAST ASK WHAT YOU WANTED?

Women spend so much of their lives thinking about everybody else. What do the children need? What does my partner need? What needs doing at work? Who needs help? Who might be upset? What will keep everything peaceful? Even our dreams can become shaped around other people. Then, when we finally have an opportunity to ask, “What do I want?”, we may discover that we have forgotten how to answer. That doesn’t mean there is something wrong with us. It simply means we have been listening to everybody else for such a long time that our own voice has become quieter.

It is still there.

Sometimes it just needs a little space, patience and permission to be heard again.

RECLAIMING THE WOMAN WITHIN

This is where Reclaiming Me began.

It didn’t come from a textbook or from a belief that I have every answer. It came from lived experience and from recognising how many women reach a stage where they feel overwhelmed, uncertain or disconnected from the person they once were.

Reclaiming yourself doesn’t mean rejecting all the roles you have carried.

I am still a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend and a businesswoman. Those parts of me matter. They have shaped me and will always belong to my story.

But I am also Jane.

There are still things I want to create, experience and discover. There are still parts of myself I am getting to know. There are dreams I am allowed to have simply because they matter to me.

Finding yourself when life changes is not about becoming somebody completely different. It is about recognising the woman who has been there all along beneath the responsibilities, expectations and noise.

You do not need to have it all worked out today.

You do not need a perfect five-year plan. Finding yourself when life changes takes time, patience and honesty. Sometimes the first step is simply admitting that something is changing and giving yourself permission to pause before rushing towards the next answer.

A MOMENT FOR YOU

Take a quiet moment and think about all the roles you have carried throughout your life.

Which ones still feel like you?

Which ones have changed?

Is there a part of yourself that has been pushed aside while you cared for everybody and everything else?

You don’t have to solve it immediately. Just notice what comes up.

The question “Who am I now?” is not evidence that you have lost yourself. It may be an invitation to meet yourself again—with all the wisdom, strength and experience you have gathered along the way.

You are not starting over.

You are starting from where you are, with everything life has taught you. Finding yourself when life changes does not mean returning to the woman you once were. And perhaps that junction is not the end of the road after all.

Perhaps it is the beginning of your next chapter.

If this feels familiar, Reclaiming Me is a six-week guided journey created to help you explore where you are, what you have carried and what you want to take forward. It is a place to return to whenever life changes—a landing place where you can pause, reflect and feel grounded again. Finding yourself when life changes is not a one-off exercise; it is something you can return to whenever life shifts again.

Have you ever reached a point in your life when you found yourself asking, “Who am I now?”

 

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